


alone

by killingthestalker



Category: Free!
Genre: Anxiety, Artist Nanase Haruka, Depressed Nanase Haruka, First Love, Fluff, M/M, Makoto is a Sweetheart, Mutual Pining, Pining, Pining Haru, no swimming au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-11-13
Packaged: 2019-01-22 16:59:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12486452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killingthestalker/pseuds/killingthestalker
Summary: a two shot.haru learns how to love.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> it's 2 am and i'm really tired, so bare w me if there are any mistakes, i'll fix them tomorrow.  
> this was a v random idea and just popped up into my head, which is probably why it's so short.
> 
> i'll write a longer sequel tomorrow.
> 
> night/morning x

 

❦

All alone.

That was how Haru felt- day in, day out. He kept telling himself he had to look out for himself, not to let anyone come closer to him than needed, and lead his own life.

And then Makoto Tachibana just barged right through that barrier, a sweet smile on his face as he did so. Haru was startled by all of this, because who would ever be even interested in him?

And... Why would he be interested in someone?

But Makoto... Makoto was kind, and charming. He was caring, gentle and helpful. It was as if, he, Makoto Tachibana, just pushed himself through the barriers of Haru's rib cage and caressed his heart lightly.

Honestly, Haru did not want to enjoy it at all.

He wanted Makoto to just stay away from him, forget about him and carry on with his life.

"Can you pass me your eraser, Haru-chan?" Makoto and Haru shared the same art class, in which Makato, of course, excelled. Haru silently shoved his eraser towards his friend (Was he able to call Makoto his friend at all?) and focused on his drawing.

"Thank you!" The taller male chimed, causing Haru's stupid, stupid heart rate to pick up frantically, as if it wanted to escape its ribcage, right into Makoto's touch, and his kindness and caring.

Because it was Makoto.

The Makato who walked him home. The Makoto who picked him up right before school, dragging him away from his drawings and paintings and into the boringness of classes and teachers.

The Makoto who caused him so, so much trouble.

And then, one day, it was quite early in the morning, Haru was working on a drawing and realised it had turned out to be a portrait of... you guessed it, Makoto.

It was sloppy, didn't come close to the effortless beauty of his classmate, but it did have a vague similarity of his features and his faint smile gave Haru the same, giddy feeling. He sighed deeply and set his pencils aside.

He had enough time to colour the drawing, mix some colours together to create the perfect skin tone, but what if, what if Makoto was early? Then he'd see his drawing, and Haru would do anything to avoid that.

So he left the drawing on his work table and took a brief shower.

Haru skipped breakfast, like he'd always do, and waited for Makoto to pick him up. Time passed terribly slow, and Haru found himself longing for the familiar student, growing more and more worried with every minute that passed.

Where the hell was he?

When the classes were about to start, yes, he was very late, Haru got up and shook his head. If Makoto, stupid Makoto, was going to ditch him, that was fine with him. He was going to walk to his classes all by himself.

Haru clenched his fists as he passed Makoto's house. "Don't even think about it." He murmured to himself, but then a painfully familiar voice called out to him.

"Haru-chan!" The person said weakly, trying to raise their voice but failing miserably. There was only one person who was allowed to call him that. Haru turned around, slowly to see Makoto hanging from his window, his hair messy and his eyes slightly swollen.

I should've just continued walking.

But Haru didn't.

"So you're sick?" He asked calmly, pressing a wet cloth to his forehead. The other nodded, closing his eyes. "I didn't want to trouble mum or dad, but it's worse than I thought." He chuckled softly and let Haru push a pill onto his tongue.

"Swallow." His friend said, pressing a glass of water to his lips.

Makoto did consider Haru his friend- maybe even his best friend, but he did notice his odd behaviour. Haru would never really talk with him, at least, not initiating a conversation, and he would always keep his distance.

However, Makoto knew that deep down inside the quietness of Haru, a kind, lively spirit hid. He just had no idea how to get it out.

Haru stayed with Makoto all day, feeding him his homemade chicken soup, lots of water, vegetables and fruit.

"Your parents will be home soon."

It wasn't a question; it was a statement.

"You can stay?" Makoto suggested hopefully, carefully placing his hand over Haru's. However, the other jerked his hand away as if he'd burned himself, and Makoto sighed, retrieving his hand.

"I can't." Was the 19-years old reply as he got up, glancing over to Makoto. "I have to go." He looked away and fiddled his fingers together. "You missed your classes because of me. I'm sorry." Makoto bowed his head, eyes locked on Haru's face.

"It's nothing."

But it was something, Makoto thought as he thanked him over and over again.

The next time they met was at Haru's house, Makoto picking him up once again, as he got ready for school.

As they walked back home, Haru didn't speak much, as usual, but looked at the sea and its waves, walking slightly ahead. Makoto was quite silent today as well, not really sure of what to say or do, fearing he might stutter or blush if he did so.

But he had to say at least something, so the first sentence that popped up fell from his lips;

"I like you." Makoto blurted out, cheeks burning a deep red as his gaze was fixated on the back of Haru's dark hair. That was a stupid thing to say.

Because finally, finally, Makoto had felt (he could visualise it) like he managed to wrap his fingers around Haru's wrist, pulling him closer to him and embracing him, but he'd ruined it all. Haru had jerked his wrist away, slipping from his fingers.

Haru stayed silent.

"Let's continue walking." Was his final reply, and Makoto's heart wrenched. He gave a nod and followed Haru in silence.

As soon as Haru arrived home, he sunk down against the wall.

Say that again, please?

Makoto-

Makoto whom he admired and the only person he'd let in his life, liked him? Haru shook his head.

He certainly does not like someone like you.

The Makoto Tachibana he knew wouldn't fall for stupid little shits like him, the ones who were useless and unworthy of someone of that caliber.

Definitely not.

But Haru felt it too. He felt that whenever he was around Makoto, he fell deeper and deeper, until he was surrounded by Makoto.

Haru did not sleep that night.

Instead, he stayed up, wildly painting on a huge canvas. His fingertips tingled from the sensation of something he'd like to call inspiration, and when it was finally done, Haru was breathless, threw his paint brush away and sunk to the floor.

He had drawn two hands, completely intertwined with each other in a way that couldn't be possible; they'd molten into each other, like they shared the same hands.

Haru was panting heavily, taking it all in and didn't notice Makoto coming in. He gawked at the painting, completely in awe. "It's beautiful." And Haru turned around, heart skipping a few beats as he got up.

He stood across of Makoto and looked at him, gazed into his emerald coloured orbs and fell hard yet again.

And Makoto had gently cupped Haru's face, just as flustered as he was, and had leaned in.

It was Haru's first kiss, and it left him on the brink of exploding, wanting more, more of Makoto and more of the addicting feeling of being held.

Haru panted into the open air as their lips separated, his arms tightly wrapped around Makoto's neck and his forehead pressed against the other's. And Haru stared at him.

And Makoto was able to read him, as if he could finally open up the book who was Haru.

"Together." Makoto whispered, pressing his lips against Haru's once again.

❦

 


	2. away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more of haru.  
> and his feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i changed my mind and added one extra part to this smol fanfic;   
> hope you enjoy ;)  
> the third part will probably comeback up soon: it'll have some fluff and of course smut in there too so stay tuned :)

__The summer break started.

Makoto was going away from Iwatobi for four whole weeks, with his family. Haru hated himself for not being able to be happy for Makoto, happy that he could have a nice vacation somewhere in Japan.

He wanted Makoto to stay with him.

Though he would never, ever admit that.

With a frown, Haru grabbed a paper sheet and, to his own shame, counted the days of Makoto's return, marking one square everyday.

He wasn't quite sure of the position Makoto and he were standing in; what exactly were they?

Lovers? Boyfriends? Friends? Best friends? Acquaintances? Classmates? Neighbours?

Haru knew, deep down inside, they were at least more than acquaintances or neighbours. Or at least, to him.

He considered himself very much in like with Makoto.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Haru didn't use his cellphone often- he had it turned off most of the time, honestly. But in Makoto's absence, he made sure the device was always fully charged and stand-by.

Just in case.

With soft sigh, Haru rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. It was 2 am. When he decided he wasn't able to sleep, he got up and looked around.

Oh, did he miss Makoto.

As always when Haru couldn't sleep, he went to the study, which he transformed into his own little art studio. He grabbed some paint, pencils and paint brushes and just started sketching.

After a while, the sketch was done and ready to be painted. It turned out pretty well, although Haru threw it away instantly.

It was an eye, the orbs having the colours of the fierce sea and the colours of a green forest blending into each other. The pupil was quite big, and pitch black, as if it was surprised.

It looked beautiful, really.

But there was also a great pain hidden in that dark forest, and Haru didn't want to remember his misery when Makoto was gone, so everything he drew went straight into the garbage can.

Haru knew he was being dramatic and stupid and needy, acting as if Makoto would be gone forever.

Get a grip, Nanase!

And then, during one of his late night drawing sessions, his cellphone rang. Haru jumped at the obnoxious loud tone and hastily reached for his phone. Could it be Makoto?

"Hello?" He picked up immediately, heart beating loudly as he waited in anticipation.

"Haru-chan." There was that familiar, warm voice filling his ears and caressing his skin. "M-Makoto." Haru stammered in reply, cursing himself for responding that timidly.

And so, they talked for a while, chatting about their vacation and activities. Makoto did most of the talking. "And you?" He'd asked. "How are you?"

Haru replied that he was fine and was just doing the usual stuff, drawing and painting and wandering around.

"I have to go now."

Haru figured Makoto might be in his bed right now, seeing as he heard the soft sound of glasses being set aside, on a nightstand.

"Of course. Good night." Haru spoke, gripping his phone tightly.

Please don't hang up.

"Take care, Haru-chan."

"You too."

And they hung up. Haru crawled under the sheets and yawned deeply. He was tired. Tired, but satisfied. He'd talked to Makoto today. A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, and with a sigh escaping from his lips, he fell asleep.

However, Haru shot awake not short after that, bathing in his own sweat. He was panting heavily, the bedsheets clenched tightly in between his fingers.

"Just a nightmare. It was just a nightmare." He mumbled to himself, but it wasn't convincing enough. Haru's eyes fluttered open, very carefully, as if he would be blinded if he fully opened his eyes.

His chest ached from The Missing, and Haru decided he couldn't sleep anymore. Not after that nightmare.

"We can't, Haru. I can't. It's better if we'd part ways."

Makoto's voice, realer than ever, echoed through his mind, the sentence repeating over and over.

"It's better if we'd part ways.

"I can't."

Haru felt tears sting in the corner of his eyes and clenched his jaw tightly; as well as his fists. His phone was on his nightstand. Very close. The mere thought of calling Makoto was tempting. Extremely tempting.

You can't.

"-if we'd part ways."

Haru's hands shook terribly as he dialled Makoto's number. It was 3:16 am.

"Hello..?" Makoto slurred, voice drunk with sleep. "Hi." Haru said nervously, clenching his hand into a fist in order to make the trembling stop.

"Haru-chan." Makoto sounded fully awake now, and Haru heard him sit up. "I'm sorry for calling you this late. You must be tired." He stated quietly, pulling his knees up to his chest.

"No need to apologise. What's wrong?" Genuine concern laced through the other's voice and Haru swallowed the lump in his throat away.

"Nothing."

"No, tell me."

"It's stupid."

"I don't care."

Haru sighed deeply. "I just had a nightmare. That's all." He admitted numbly, waiting for Makoto to laugh at him.

There was a brief silence.

"That's awful. Do you want to talk about it?" Makoto asked, much to his surprise. "No, it's nothing. I... Sorry for bothering you."

"If it would've been nothing, you wouldn't have called me." Makoto pointed out, which caused Haru's stupid heart to skip a beat.

"I don't wanna talk about it." Haru shook his head. Now he almost wanted Makoto to ask him why the fuck he called him, if he didn't want to be helped.

Just comfort me.

Makoto seemed to have heard his silent pleading. "I'll be back in less than a week. Then we can walk to school together again. We'll be third-years." He began carefully, and Haru pressed his phone against his ear until it hurt, as if, by doing that, he could dive in and come out on Makato's side.

Haru remained silent.

"We can walk along the beach again. We can sit at our usual spot by the cliff and just look at the sea like we normally do. I can pick you up again."

Continue. Please continue talking.

"If you'd want me to, I could hold you. In less than a week,   
Haru-chan... We're together." Makoto finished, and Haru sucked in a breath.

Together.

After all those weeks. All those sleepless nights.

"Yes." Haru agreed breathlessly, nodding. "Just wait for me." Makoto asked, his tone careful, tasting the words on his tongue.

"I will."

And so the days passed, and then, all of a sudden, it was the day Makoto would come back. Haru woke up around 4 am, way too excited and nervous to continue sleeping.

He poured himself some tea, ate a few pockies and doodled around. His phone buzzed and Haru practically jumped towards the device, greedily taking in the sight of a text notification.

Makoto: we are at the airport right now.

Haru exhaled sharply. They were here. Makoto was here. His fingers trembled slightly as he typed a reply back. He knew he had to wait some more.

Because of course, Makoto had to go to his own home first, unpack his trunk and maybe sleep if he was tired. He'd had to eat something, because breakfast was the most important meal of the day, and maybe shower too.

Haru understood. It'd take a while before he was able to see Makoto again.

"Would he mind if I'd just show up at his doorstep?" Haru questioned out loud, tipping his head back as he looked at the ceiling.

Probably.

A few hours passed. Makoto had probably arrived home by now. Haru sighed and folded his arms behind his head as he was lying down on his bed. The old piece f furniture squeaked softly as he rolled over onto his stomach, burying his face in his pillow.

Maybe Makoto won't have time today, Haru mused as he lifted his head, staring at the wall. He felt stupid, being so desperate and clingy, but he couldn't help it.

It has been a while since he truly... truly had someone like Makoto in his life. It was different. The affection, the presence of someone else felt good. It felt amazing, actually. It felt like... it felt like he was jumping off of something high, but knowing he'd land safely, enjoying the floating-like sensation of falling.

So Haru desperately clung to that feeling, and for that feeling, he needed Makoto. Just for that feeling.

At least, that's what he told himself.

"Haru-chan?"

Haru let out a soft gasp, jumped and spun around so quickly his neck hurt. And there Makoto was. After a month. A full month.

Makoto had a slight tan, and his hair grew quite a bit. It sat messy. But the good kind of messy; the kind of messy hair you want to run your hands through, not to comb it, but just to touch it.

Haru bet Makoto's hair would feel soft.

There fell a silence.

Makoto tilted his head slightly, then gave Haru a closed-eyed, boyish grin.

Badumpbadumpbadumpbadump.

Haru found himself smiling back, a warm feeling spreading through his entire body, tingling in his fingertips.

He wanted to paint Makoto. Badly.

I missed you.

I really did.

And then Haru got up from his bed(it creaked obnoxiously loud)and stumbled right into Makoto's arms. Tightly wrapped his arms around his neck and pressed his face into his chest.

He could sense that Makoto was smiling as the taller male wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him closer. Makoto's scent smelled familiar, comforting and overall...

Home.

The next two, last days of their holiday, were spent with each other. They walked along the beach, went to the convenience store for drinks and even held hands. Once.

Haru had been very nervous about it. He'd promised himself to at least take the initiative once. The night before their last free day, he had stayed up all night, looking up articles about relationships, do's and don't's and all that other stuff.

Anxiety was blooming in his chest, growing towards his throat, where it settled itself. It became a difficulty to swallow properly. Haru reached out for Makoto's hand, his heart racing.

Then, he grabbed it, tightly and looked the other way. His cheeks were probably crimson red, and his palm was definitively sweaty, but he couldn't care less; he did that.

He could see Makoto glance at him from the corner of his eye, disbelief written all over his face.

Is it bothering him?

Is he okay with me grabbing his hand in public?

Haru tried to swallow past the lump in his throat, and his free hand began to shake so violently he clenched it into a fist. Makoto squeezed his hand and looked away as well, a relaxed smile on his face.

All of Haru's anxiety melted away just as quickly as they came, and his breathing steadied. For once, he was quite a bit proud of himself. He glanced at Makoto, who looked at him at the same time. Makoto's smile widened, while Haru looked away in shame, his cheeks colouring a deep shade of red.

*

Makoto had always been someone who liked to do things precisely; he was never late, always finished his homework in time, never failed test and was always sure to help his mother with chores.

So, when Haru was sitting at the beach, waiting for Makoto, he grew nervous as the male was 20 minutes late.

Makoto was never late.

As in, never.

Haru fiddled with his fingers, laced them together and separated them while staring at the sea.

Maybe he didn't want to come.

Maybe he doesn't want to hang out with you.

Surprise surprise.

Haru tried to block these thoughts out, he really did, but he failed miserably.

Maybe you're boring him.

He's probably sick of you by now.

Haru swallowed thickly and inhaled slowly. He was just going to wait. Makoto would come eventually. He was sure of it.

But he didn't come.

Haru returned home by the time it was dark. He gazed up at the stars. A hollow feeling started to show up at the pit of his stomach. It was quiet in Iwatobi.

All Haru heard was the chirping of crickets and pebbles crunching under his shoes. Without eating anything, he went straight to bed.

It was 5:30 am when he bolted out of bed.

Haru didn't receive any message from Makoto, so he got up and grabbed his canvas.

He tried painted a hand up close. It was probably the hardest thing he'd ever done. After a while, he gave up. Haru found the hand looking like a tree stump. He checked his phone, hopefully expecting a text.

But nothing.

He nibbled on his lower lip and lied down. He stared at the ceiling and sniffed into the silent house. "Makoto." He said out loud. "Makoto, if only you knew how much I..." The words fell from his lips before he could prevent himself from saying it.

He felt a lump form in his throat and swallowed hard. Haru brought his arm up and let it come down on his eyes, closing them tightly.

His phone buzzed.

Slowly, Haru sat up. He reached for his phone and read the incoming text.

Makoto: Haru, I'm so sorry I couldn't make it to the beach. I should've called you. I had to unexpectedly pick up my sister, from a friend's house. I'm sorry. I just wanted to let you know I'm here for you. I know you might be having a hard time lately, but we can always talk about it. I'll listen. I promise. Again; I'm so sorry for not showing up. Can we meet up later in the morning?  
\- Makoto

Haru read the text over and over again, until his eyes started to sting. He blinked. And read again.

Here for you.

I'll listen.

I promise.

Haru tossed his phone away. He collapsed onto his bed and crawled under the sheets. The same weird, tingly feeling spread through his body.

Then, if I could.

If only I could.

Would I be able to trust him?

7:30.

Haru woke up. He ate a bit of fruit and cleaned the house. His fingers ached, wanting to dial Makoto's number badly. But he wasn't sure. With a brief sigh, he grabbed his phone.

Makoto picked up right away.

"Haru-chan?" He asked slowly, carefully. "Yes." The other replied, thankful for his voice not being shaky. "I want to see you." Haru said after a long silence, digging his nails into his palm.

Does it sound lame?

"How coincidental. I want to see you too. Badly." Was Makoto's response. It made Haru's heart leap. "Right now?" He whispered.

"Right now."

Shortly after they hung up, the doorbell rang. Haru walked towards the door as a blush spread across his cheeks. He wasn't sure why he was feeling so flustered.

Makoto had his arms already spread as Haru took in the sight of him. He hugged him tightly. "Haru-chan," Makoto started. "I'm so sorry." They stood like that for a long time, wrapped up in each other's arms.

"It's okay." Haru wished he had a bit more to say, something that stopped Makoto from possibly worrying about him, but nothing came to mind. All what was present was a pressing silence.

The next time Haru saw Makoto, he had brought someone with him. "This is Kisumi. He's from the summer break, and he's staying at my place for a while." The male spoke brightly, patting Kisumi's back. Haru felt, for some strange reason, betrayed.

However, he cracked a smile and told Kisumi it was nice to meet him. His hands were quivering when he was lying in bed during the evening. Haru felt as though he had been replaced.

Honestly, he would do the same if he would've been Makoto.

Kisumi is lively.

I'm not.

Kisumi is cheerful.

I'm not.

Kisumi is always laughing.

I'm not.

Kisumi is a good friend.

I'm not.

Thoughts like those easily filled Haru's mind and he nibbled on his lower lip as he stared at the ceiling. Was there any way how he could make Makoto laugh like that?

So the next day, he tried it. Kisumi was there too, of course; for another three days, as they went to the convenience store for some food. Haru had been looking up jokes to tell Makoto all night. Some were cheesy, some weren't funny at all, and some were just... lame.

So eventually, Haru decided he would be extra kind, even towards Kisumi(whom he had come to despise. He was always with Makoto, never leaving them alone and Haru felt like strangling him sometimes).

Haru tried his best to smile genuinely as he approached the two males. "Hi." He said with a small grin, waving. Makoto and Kisumi shared a look, eyebrows raised. "Hello." Makoto smiled eventually, while Kisumi just bit his bottom lip.

"Oh. I'll pay." Haru suggested with a smile, extending his money as they stood by the cashier.

Eventually, they walked outside and Haru felt very giddy inside; he had actually succeeded in being nice for one day. However, that feeling shattered as soon as Makoto had to use the restroom and left Kisumi and Haru alone.

"Very strange... very strange," Kisumi mumbled as he took a sip from his water. "Hm?" God, it was already becoming hard to keep that smile plastered on his face.

"You have no idea what you're doing, are you?"

And gone was the smile. Haru swallowed thickly. Kisumi looked at him with a bored expression, as if this was one of the worst acts he's ever seen. Haru couldn't answer that question. His chest felt tight, and all it took to get rid of that feeling was to go away from Kisumi and just paint.

There was Makoto.

"I'm going home." Haru said as soon as the student approached them. "Oh." Makoto frowned. Kisumi raised his hand, encouraging him to leave.

Haru felt like crying.

"Why so suddenly?" Makoto tilted his head slightly as he looked at his friend. "No reason." Haru replied blankly, waving briefly before getting the hell out of there.

Wow. There he was, being really naive, thinking it made Makoto happy if he acted like that. There wasn't much of a difference. And there was Kisumi, who saw right through him and told him the sad truth.

Even if Haru tried, he could never be a happy person.

Not even for Makoto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what do you think?
> 
> *coughs* shameless self-promo: i finally updated my ereri fanfiction, so check that out if you want to !!
> 
> PS: i'm uploading this from my phone, i'll edit it later when it comes to the fonts and all of that, sorry for the inconvenience !!!
> 
> xx


End file.
